Dead Inside and Out
by ForeverDancerGirl
Summary: What if Bella hadn't of made it to Edward in time? What if Edward wasn't such a good guy as we thought? Bella finds a surprise 50 years later. Is Edward really a monster? It's up to Bella to save the world, Edward, the Cullens, and herself.
1. Chapter 1

**I started writing this a long time ago, and I felt I could do better, so here I am! I never finished it so i'm gonna have fun with that too! I'm going to rewrite the whole thing! Anyway, I won't keep up with this if I don't get any reviews. Even if I only have one review, I'll keep writing, but I want to have a review for every chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Edward Cullen, cause if I did, he would have married ME! It's all Stephenie Meyer's!**

**Dead Inside and Out**

**Chapter 1**

**One Hundred Years In The Future **

Edward Cullen. Those two words bring an avalanche of emotions. They also brought the biggest war vampire kind has ever seen. They destroyed clans, killed innocent mortals and immortals alike. Those two words were my first and only boyfriend. He left me alone in a forest to cry. Everything else is getting blurrier with each passing year, except for only a few memories. I do remember running through a sea of red to find him, and save him. The man I love. I was too late. He was dead. Burned to a pile of ashes. I remember my sister, Alice, begging for my life. I just wanted death, though. The Volturi were willing, but Alice wasn't. She wouldn't let me just die and have peace. She talked me into becoming a vampire and becoming a Cullen. I agreed and she bit me right there. Things were never the same. Years later, fifty years to be exact, is where our story begins. I was young, only sixty-eight. I remember then, again trying to save the man I love. But I was too late, again. As long as I knew him, he had technically been dead, but the only difference was now he was dead on the inside. He was a horrible monster, and not even I could save him. I was stubborn, though, and I didn't know when to let go. So, I guess I am part to blame for the war. But I'll save that story for the later chapters. On with the story of when I was young and foolish, not to mention... in love.

**50 years after the end of New Moon**

"Hey Esme?" I asked, walking into the kitchen. Lately, the kitchen has been the only safe place. Emmett stole Alice's favorite heels to get back at her for scratching his jeep. He tore up the heels and now they were wrestling in the living room.

"Hey Bell," she said with a smile. "What's wrong?" She noticed in a second that something was wrong. That's what I always loved about Esme. She could tell when someone had a problem, and she was always there to help. Even if was just advice, or anything. She'd help. "I need to get away for a little while. It's not like I don't want to be here, it's just... I need space to think, ya' know? And I won't be gone long, promise," I said, sitting down next to her. She gave me an understanding smile and said, "You still miss him. So do I. I know it's hard, honey. And I'd like to say it'll be okay, but when you're one of us, mates are one person who can never be replaced. Go, I'll tell Carlisle where you went, and I'll have Alice tell the school you're sick or something. Just be careful, okay? And call if you can." she hugged me and I walked to the back door with her following me to say one more goodbye. I hugged her again, and took one final look at my family. Emmett had Alice in a headlock, and I watched as Alice wiggled out of it, breaking Esme's antique lamp in the process. Alice grabbed Emmett around the neck and the wrestled out the front door that was held open by Rosalie. Jasper was _reading_ the whole time. I guess he felt my mixed emotions, and he turned around and smiled. I never thought we got along all that well, but now that I'm a vampire, we're pretty close. In a sibling way. He gets me, and he helped a lot when you-know-who, hit the dust. I said my goodbye and walked out the door.

**Two Days Later**

After we left Forks, we moved to Colorado. It wasn't as conveniently rainy as Forks, but it worked. We stayed in Alaska for a few years, but it got pretty weird sharing a house with over ten people so we moved.

As for me, I was devastated when _he _died. I wouldn't leave my room, and I hate violent outbursts, then I would just calm down. Sometimes I'd laugh then start randomly crying. I thought I had gone insane. I couldn't control it, and Jasper said I was having mood swings of epic proportions. Not to mention, I was a newborn, so mood swings were part of that too. The weird thing was, that's the only newborn type thing I did. I wasn't blood crazy and the only thing I crushed was Emmett and a few rocks. But hey, Emmett deserved it.

I also have powers. The reason I have to be so careful is because the Volturi want me. Bad. They say I may be the most powerful vampire, ever. I don't want to be, though. And I only use some of my powers. Yeah, I said power_s_. I have two powers that are all my own: My mind shield, and the power to copy other people's powers. So far, I can read minds, see the future, put up shields around people and/or their minds, cause pain (thank you very much, Jane), see emotions, change emotions, take away things like sight and hearing or feeling ,etc, and shape shift. Shape shifting is my favorite because when I shift into that person, I have their personal characteristics. I know it's confusing but you'll get it. I love to shape shift into my human form, when I'm human I can sleep, and dream, and eat, and cry. I'm also clumsy and I blush a lot, but I've got to have some flaws.

Since I left the Cullen house I've basically just been roaming around the local forests. Once I went to a spa, in my human form of course. I've only been gone two days though. I was walking through the forest just looking around, when I smelled something. I looked around, and I could already feel them closing in on me. They were surrounding me and it's already to late to escape. I guess I could cause them as much pain as possible, then run for it, but I may not be able too if there's too many.

"Bella Cullen, correct?" said a cloaked figure coming out of the forest. "Maybe. Who are you?" I asked, crouching into a fighting stance. If I have to go, they're taking me kicking and screaming. "Yes well, I'm not fighting you. You're going to come with me, and you're not going to complain. Hello, my name is Leigh," she said, taking off her hood to reveal a young girl. Probably about sixteen, with light brunette hair with red and blue streaks in it. She had bright red eyes, but I could tell she was no newborn. She was probably only a few years younger than me. She had a power too. Her power was to levitate things, and I could tell this would come in handy. "So you're one of the Volturi's golden retrievers. Or bloody retrievers. Either way, you're their dog," I replied casually. This mad her mad as hell. She tried to throw me across the clearing with her power but I blocked it and sent it right back at her. She flew into a huge oak tree, but none of the guards made a move to help her. "Tell me Leigh: What do the Volturi want with me now? Last time they had me, they sent me away and said I wasn't allowed in Volterra again because I was too big of a threat. Now their sending a retriever to come and get me? Tell me, what do they have up their pretty red sleeves?" I said, in a mocking voice. I normally don't like being harsh like this, but something about her seemed to tick me off. The weird thing was I could smell something on her that smelled familiar. I pushed it out of my mind to focus on the girl in front of me. "They don't want a fight, Bella. The Volturi may be evil in your eyes, but they honor their promises. They just want to speak with you. They promise not to attack you or try to harm you in any way. They just want to talk," she said convincingly. "Fine, but we do this my way. Your people don't touch me, and don't crowd me. I'll follow you to however you got here, plane I'm guessing, and we'll go to Volterra," I laid down my conditions and after a few seconds Leigh nodded. I followed her to a plane, with the rest of our party trailing behind to give me some space. I got on the plane with only one look back.

**In Volterra**

We walked into the main chamber where Aro, Caius , and Marcus were standing to greet me. Their typical guards were there, and the closer I got to Aro's throne, the stronger the familiar scent became. "Hello, hello, Bella, dear! How are you?" Aro asked, like he really cared. I looked at the guards from ten feet away and Aro called them off and told them to step away. I stepped closer until I was right infront of him. He reached for my hand and said, "I heard that you can control the shield now. May I?" At first I yanked back so he couldn't touch it, but after a second I let him take my hand and I let my shield down. He kept saying "Mhm" and "Ahh" and "Hmm", like this was the most riveting thing ever. One of the guards, the one closest to Aro started laughing, but stopped when I looked at him. His laugh. It was familiar. Before I could think into it more, Aro came out dreamy land and said, "Well, your existence has been very interesting. He'll be interested to know you still think of him." I was dumbstruck.

"Who will be interested? Who do I still think about? What are you talking about?" I was stuttering, a human mess up that I though had gone with the heartbeat. "Bella, I would like you to meet my highest guard. Well I do believe that you've already met," he said, extending his arm towards the guard that laughed. The guard reached up and removed the cloak from his face. It was Edward! My Edward is alive and he's here! Everything is going to be okay! We're going to go surprise his family and we'll live happily ever... Wait. There was something different. He smelled different. I looked him over and stopped when I got to his eyes. They crimson. Bloody crimson. "You Son of a..." I didn't have the self control to finish my sentence. I yelled, and ran. I ran all the way out to the forests on the outskirts of Volterra. I sat down on a rock and shifted into my human form. I couldn't take this anymore! I broke down and cried. I sat there and stared straight ahead for hours. What now?

**Hope you liked! Review! Now! Reviews are love. 3!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading, and I'd like to say a special thanks to lovingmailiaf: thanks for the advice I really appreciate it! And to Britomartis for being my first reviewer! Ooh ooh and Bethflower, thanks bud! Also, sorry this took so long. I got grounded and I couldn't use my laptop! Ohh the ultimate punishment! On with the story!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own Twilight, that honor is all Stephenie Meyer's!**

**Dead Inside and Out**

**Chapter 2**

"**This moment I knew I would be someone else**

**my love turned around,**

**and I fell..."**

**~ Bad Boy, Cascada**

**Bella POV**

Hours went by and I didn't move. Why should I move? Why should I move when _I have nothing to live for?_ I though it was bad when I thought he was dead, but I'd rather he be dead than like this. A monster. I used to have trouble saying his name. But now I say Edward all the time just because I hate him. I don't want to hate him, and in all honesty he was just being like almost all other vampires, but I could just feel something different. Like the eyes weren't the only thing that had changed. He seemed cold, and hard inside and out.

My phone buzzing in my pocket brought me out into the real world. I didn't have to look at it to know it was Alice. For a second I though I would let it go to voice mail, but I realized that she probably saw what happened.

"Hey Ali," I said. "BELLA! Oh my god, I am going to kill him!" she yelled into the phone. "I take it you know what happened. You didn't tell the others, did you?" I asked frantically. I really didn't want them to get hurt. I'd of course tell them eventually, but I figured it would be better if we were all together. "Of course not Bells! You and I are the only ones that know. We have to tell them soon though. I ran out in the woods to make this call, but they're gonna find out one way or another. I had a vision the Volturi are coming here," she said. I stared, wide mouthed, into the forest. Why would they go there. Oh no maybe they're gonna... "Alice, I'm catching the next flight to Colorado. I have an idea what they might be up to. It may be Edward trying to break the news to us, hurtfully. He doesn't seem too nice now," I said at the same time I was searching for a flight on my phone. Great! One leaves at two p.m. I looked at my watch, and when I saw what it said, I freaked! It was already 12:30, and my flight was leaving from Venice. The airport is two hours away, by car. Guess I'll just have to run... really fast. "Hey Alice, there's a flight leaving at two, I'm going to have to run to catch it, but I'll make it. Meet me at the airport in Colorado, if you can," I told her as I got ready to make a run for it. While I was waiting for her response I shifted to my vampire form. "Sure Bella! Anything else?" she asked. "Oh yeah, could you bring some clothes? Let's just say, these are getting old..." I answered. "Of course Bella, but I have to say I'm surprised that you're letting lil' ol' _me_ pick out your clothes!" she giggled into the phone tauntingly. "Oh hang up before I change my mind!" I almost yelled, joking, of course. "Alright, alright! Bye Bella!" she said and before I could answer she was gone. I looked around my "camp site" really all I did was sit there and cry, but it was already like home. Part of me didn't want to move. Didn't want to take one step away from this spot, and this city, and that vampire I saw in the castle. That _vampire_. It felt weird to say it. Or think it. Whatever. He never seemed cold and mean like this.

"Now now, Bella. Having trouble letting go?" said a taunting velvet voice behind me. I whirled as fast as my vampire speed would allow, and that was fast. I faced him. That evil, maniacal, human killing, jerk. "What do you want?" I asked, with lots of anger. "I just thought I'd come and say that this isn't the end. You don't know the half of what's going on, and I suggest that you stay away from Volterra, and the Volturi. Th- _We_ would very much appreciate if you would stay out of our way. Things are coming Isabella, that you cannot begin to understand. Not every power you could summon or find would _ever_ let you stand a chance against this. So just stay out of the way," he said with such finality that it made me more angry than I had EVER been. "Don't you _**dare**_ tell me what to do! You do not control me, and whatever persuasiveness you held over me snapped the second you removed your hood. Go back to your little masters and tell them exactly what I'm saying. You are not the boss of me, maybe I would listen to your masters, but probably not. I wasn't planning on interacting with them _ever_ again, if I could help it. Then you show up and tell me not to, and gee wiz, Edward, now I'm curious," I yelled, sarcastically at the end. "You. Are. So. STUBBORN!" he yelled right back. "You.. you.. you.. di- didn't just say that? Please tell me you didn't just say that!" I screamed. It felt like I was losing grip. Could vampires go insane? I wasn't even able to control what I said anymore. "Yeah I said that. The past hurts doesn't it Bella? Because you never got over me. Get over it! It was fifty years ago, and I was weak and stupid. Drinking animals because I didn't want to be a monster. Well guess what? We are what we are! We are monsters! Killers! Drinkers! Get over it." He had a wild look in his eyes, and I didn't know what to say. A moment ago, when he said I was stubborn, he seemed... I don't know... like the old Edward. Desperate for me to understand, and it was like there was something there that I wasn't getting. Then, in the middle of this last speech, he got cold, hard, again. Mean, like the Edward I met in the throne room. That's when my insanity kicked in and did the talking for me. "Well, all your mood swings are giving me whip lash!" I yelled in his face. I swear, it may be the insanity, but he seemed hurt, but just for a millisecond. "This conversation is over. Goodbye Edward." and with that, I ran. Ran as fast as my long, vampire legs would take me. I can't stand this! What is his problem? One moment he seems sorry, concerned, then it's back to the (excuse the language) jackassy Edward! I looked at my phone and saw that it was already one o'clock and I put it into over drive!

I ran in at the very last second and bought a ticket. I ran through the gate at the, literally at last second. I still had to run as fast as I could, while still seeming human, to catch the plane.

All I wanted to do was sleep. I wasn't tired. No, I was in my vampire form, I don't get tired. The only reason I wanted to sleep was I hoped that maybe it would take my thoughts away from Edward, away from Volterra. Deep inside I knew that really it would only make me think more, but at least I wouldn't have to stare at the wall for over eighteen hours. I closed my eyes and tried to block all the bad thoughts. I thought about the way life used to be. All those years ago, laying in the sun. Not sparkling, but tanning. Drinking ice cold sweet tea on the patio with Mom. Those were the days...

**Edward's POV**

I returned to Volterra after speaking with Isabella. She had some nerve, telling me what she was going to do. I am the Volturi's highest guard, and my authority was just undermined by a little girl! Aro would not be happy. Isabella cannot know what happened. Why I am like this. I used to feel bad. I used to miss her! But really, I realized: This is her fault. Not just her though. It's the whole Cullen Clan's fault! Alice should have never went to see her. Rosalie should have kept her mouth shut. Emmett should have stopped her. Jasper should have told me. And Carlisle, he should have shut down the whole madness.

Yes, this is all their fault. It's Bella's fault. It is Bella's fault. That's what I keep repeating to myself as I stride into the throne room to give them my report.

**Back to Bella's POV**

The airplane landed about six in the morning. (**A/N: I've never been on a plane, or even in an airport. I did a little research but not a whole lot. If I got it wrong, sorry!) **Alice was there waiting for me. She had a change of clothes and I was so happy to get out of these.

I looked in the bag and saw it was my favorite outfit. I was surpirsed that she chose this one, because it was really simple, and totally not Alice. The shirt was loose and pink with a big black bow in the center. There were my favorite dark wash shorts, and black and white plaid converse, all in my hot pink Aeropostale bag.(A/N: Outfit on page.) I gave her a huge hug and ran to change.

After I changed I ran out to find Alice again. I didn't have to look long. I noticed she had brought Jasper with her, and I wondered where he was when I got off the plane. He smiled when he saw me. "Hey there Bella. I missed my little sister!" Jasper said in his southern accent . "When did you turn into Emmett? Emmett is the overly-happy one. Or did the world get flipped upside down while I was gone?" I asked suspiciously. Alice looked at me nervously. "Well. I. Uh. I sort of maybe... !" she said at almost vampiric speed. In Alice language she said: "I sort of maybe... told jasper what was going on I'm soo sorry. Please, please, please forgive me! I haaaad to tell someone!" I looked at her for a moment. I liked making her think I was mad. "I'm not mad Alice. I understand it's a lot to... to process," I said, thinking about it made it way worse.

We turned to walk out, when I picked up a familiar scent. I turned around, expecting to see Edward again, but no. It was worse. It was that tracker girl, Leigh, covered in Edward's scent. Coming up to me. "I have message for you. From Edward. And by the way, you really should listen to him," she said, smirking at me. "Yeah, well I would but the trust ship sailed when I went to Volterra," I shot back. She was holding out a piece of paper to me, and I took it.

"You know, all of this is your fault." She walked away.

"Bella..." Alice warned. "It's okay, don't go after her. She won't tell you what she meant"

"I wasn't going to go after her," I defended. "Yes you were. I saw it. Come on. Let's go home."

With one arm around my shoulder, and one hand in twined in Jasper's, she guided me to the car. I wasn't even really paying attention to what was going on. I was reading the note. Over and over again.

_Isabella,_

_This isn't the last you'll see of me. You may not like it, but this is the way I am. Trust me. Something is coming, and you need to butt out! I don't feel for you anymore. You need to hear that. I do, however, care that it has been foretold that if you don't stay out of this matter, you **will** cause something horrible. Stay out of it. And tell your dear Cullens that they haven't seen the last of me, either. _

_ Until next time,_

_ Edward._

What does he mean? He is absolutely infuriating! How do I stay out of something if I don't know what I'm trying to stay out of! Oh, and it was pretty damn obvious that he had no feelings for me by the smell on Leigh.

Jasper was driving and Alice reached back and jerked the paper out of my hand. I let her take it. I didn't want to rip it. "Jazz, what's she feeling?" Alice asked him, after me not answering every time she talked to me. "Confused. Angry. Sad. Depressed. Worried.I think she's thinking though. Alice, honey, I know you're worried about her, but let her think. She'll talk when she's ready, okay?" he replied. I'm going to have to thank him later. I saw Alice nod out of the corner of my eye. She glanced back at me one more time before turning around and staring blankly out the window.

A few minutes later we were turning into the driveway. In only a few minutes I'd be back with my family. But in only a few hours, we'll all be angry. Or sad. Or worried. Each one of us will be different. I know it won't be easy. I thought of Esme. Sweet, motherly, Esme. I knew she would take it horribly. I was still thinking of her as I walked up the porch and into the house.

**Well, she's reunited with the Cullen's in the next chappy. What do you think so far? Leave me a review! Also, here's a link to the outfit : **

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**Reviews = Love. Thanks for reading. ~ ForeverDancerGirl**


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